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I hate my boss. I feel entrapped in my job.
June 9, 2024
Apr 7, 2024
Hey there,
Have you ever thought, “I’m working for an ***hole and ego-centric narcissistic psychopath”?
Navigating the difficult terrain of working under challenging bosses is something many of us have experienced.
Feeling trapped in a job with a demanding superior is a narrative many can relate to.
You’re not alone.
In my practice, I’ve met many executive leaders who feel this way.
They often feel:
→ Unworthy of trust
→ Micromanaged
→ Stressed and anxious all the time
→ Like they could be fired at any moment
The consequences are clear:
→ Constant burnout
→ Feeling like you’re in a constant firestorm
→ Pushing your team too hard
→ Being blamed for everything
→ Always on the verge of quitting
A few years back, I was in a similar situation with a toxic boss and a hostile work environment. The constant stress and lack of trust took a toll on me. I eventually made the brave decision to leave for my well-being. This uncertain step allowed me to reassess my career goals and find a healthier work environment, leading to personal and professional growth.
However, after much research on toxicity in executive leadership, I found a more fruitful solution.
🚨 I realized that I didn’t actually hate my boss—I hated my inability to deal with my boss in “his environment.”
Say what?!
Yes, you read correctly—I wasn’t able to deal with it like an adult.
This viewpoint changed everything for me.
Instead of wasting time protecting myself, I invested my energy in finding new ways to partner with my boss.
Here’s what I started doing:
1. Respect the Environment: I acknowledged that I was in his playground (his environment) and it was not up to me to change it.
2. The “But Right Now” List: I created a list of all the crazy and untimely requests he brought up, calling it my “But Right Now List.” For example, “I know we agreed on this, but right now, I need you to do the new thing I just came up with.” This technique helped me keep track of all his requests without getting overwhelmed.
3. Advantages of the “But Right Now” List:
📈
Stress Reduction:
Having a clear list of tasks helped reduce the stress of remembering and prioritizing on the fly.
🎨
Better Organization:
It allowed me to organize tasks based on urgency and importance, preventing me from feeling swamped by sudden demands.
📘
Improved Communication:
When I presented this list to my boss, it created an opportunity for discussion and prioritization, making him feel heard and valued.
4. Enthusiastic Pursuit: I pursued every idea he presented with enthusiasm. Visualizing him as a 5-year-old screaming for a candy bar made it easier to handle his demands with humor and patience.
5. Data Presentation: I frequently presented his own data back to him, which provided a mature opportunity to reshuffle, prioritize, and rethink tasks. Just like a child loves to shuffle candy bars, this approach helped in managing his expectations.
6. Team Focus: I continuously focused on enabling my teams to deliver high-quality results on our strategic pursuits without getting side-tracked and overwhelmed. This helped my boss look confident in front of the board of directors and increased trust between us.
The result:
✅ I was at ease with the toxic environment because I accepted it for what it truly was—not a threat to my well-being, but a playground.
✅ My boss appreciated the partnership. While he was still difficult, I was no longer seen as a threat or annoyance.
✅ I delegated my “But Right Now List” to one of my best senior leaders, who gathered data on the required resources and time for each task without stopping other initiatives. Presenting this data to my boss made it easier for him to “purchase” the candy bars he could afford and built trust that I wouldn’t forget his ideas.
✅ I kept this job for three more years and experienced zero emotional burnout.
This method is just one of many effective strategies to tackle leadership toxicity. Remember, you have the power to change your situation.
Side Note: What got me through this time and helped me learn these techniques was my executive leadership advisor (shoutout to Jennifer).
PS: A word of caution. It’s crucial to differentiate between a boss who exhibits childish behavior and a boss who is cunning and manipulative. If you find yourself working under a cunning leader, my advice is simple: leave! Don’t waste any more of your precious time. You’re in a no-win scenario.
PERSONALIZED BURNOUT SCORECARD
Reversing burnout starts by knowing how much you’re currently dealing with burnout. 🔥 🔥 Go ahead and take my free burnout assessment right now: https://burnout.drdegnan.com.
If you are a leader, inquire about my “LEVEL-UP System,” which will empower you to become ultra-productive without burning out. Send your inquiry to inquiry@drdegnan.com.
If you want to get promoted into executive leadership, inquire about my proven step-by-step guide to advancing to the C-suite at https://drdegnan.com/coaching.
Leadership is hard. We spend a lifetime perfecting to lead teams and organizations with tangible results that change people’s lives.
Let’s make sure we get it right without burning out.
Hi, I’m Oliver.
I have been living in the trenches of a C-suite leader for over 17 years, leading thousands of employees between Startups, PE, and Fortune 50 companies. I am the former SVP and CTO for IBM Watson Health, Chief Architect for Intuit in Silicon Valley, and founder of MoreTalent AI with a successful exit in the 7-figure range. Every newsletter I send out has invaluable insight to help you succeed in your journey.
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