The secret to happiness.

Hi there,

For years, I have been saying things like:

-When I get that job, I will be happy
-When I make a million dollars, I will be happy
-When I get my health back, I will be happy

But in reality, that is not how happiness works.

Dr. Robert Waldinger writes that “Happiness is not a feeling.”

Happiness is a DIRECTION.

Happiness is the pursuit of:

-Enjoyment
-Satisfaction
-Meaning

He goes on to call these three attributes of happiness ‘macronutrients.’

For any of these macronutrients to be on the directive of happiness, we need to add People and Memory.

For example, Enjoyment is only enjoyable as a directive to happiness when we enjoy alcohol with people to build meaningful memories.

Otherwise, it is just drinking alcohol. Drinking alcohol by ourselves does not build memories and can be very destructive.

So, the trick is to do more with people to build fruitful memories.

And doing more of that will give us back full agency (control and power) over our happiness.

It’s essential for us to have full agency over:

-Love
-Relationships
-Emotions
-Well-Being
-Happiness

If you feel that you are not in control of these essentials, then it is time to take action on your own behalf.

Start by managing yourself with agency (power and control).

Being happier is a choice. And you can do it.

Commit yourself to having agency and reduce your helplessness.
↳Being helpless is equivalent to people giving up and or taking on the role of a victim.

So, how do we regain agency (power and control) and move toward happiness?

Be more COMPASSIONATE with yourself.

You know what is good for you. And you know what’s not good for you.

Be as hard as steel (with yourself) and do things that are good for you- especially when they are hard to do.

So, instead of drowning in self-empathy, journal daily where you need to take back agency, plan and prepare the [crucial] conversations you might need to have (with your boss, spouse, or friend), and make it happen.
↳ Be clear in your journal about what you actually need.

So, the takeaway here is that Happiness is not an outcome or a target. It is the direction in which you control the various feelings along the way.

Enjoy the journey to happiness.

PS: Empathy is feeling somebody else’s pain and taking on their problems. We often overvalue empathy. We say things like, “I feel your pain,” but we lack the ability (ability to be hard as steel when giving advice) actually to help. BE CAREFUL, and do not be paralyzed by the pain of others. When we spend too much time with people who are hurt, we eventually begin to be trapped in their pain, which will hinder us from staying in control of our happiness.

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I have been living in the trenches of a C-suite leader for over 17 years, leading thousands of employees between Startups, PE, and Fortune 50 companies. I am the former SVP and CTO for IBM Watson Health, Chief Architect for Intuit in Silicon Valley, and founder of MoreTalent AI with a successful exit in the 7-figure range. Every newsletter I send out has invaluable insight to help you succeed in your journey.

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